Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Just another day in Utopia....

Okay---if I am being totally honest, I have to tell you that the title of this post is completely sarcastic. I am having a hard time of it lately. I am exhausted being the mother of teenagers. Now, only one is still a teenager, but, seriously, it's quite possible that she is going to be the end of me. Not just her specifically, she will just be the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back. But let me back up a little..... Makenzie is in Utah. She went to Utah to have a little break from her life here in AZ and sort a few things out. Well, I think she is just more confused than ever. And I worry. She doesn't want to come back to Tucson, and I don't blame her. But then, the next thing I know, she says she's coming back. Well, now I am worried and confused. I want to help, but my help seems to only hurt....her feelings AND the situation. I have now committed to staying out of it, and anyone who knows me will know how hard that will be for me. {{sigh}} I didn't get an email from Mark yesterday....so I worry. Craig got one, so that helps, but dang it!...I wanted one, too. There is a very real possibility that he TRIED to send me one and it didn't go through. That has happened before. However, he was his happy positive self in the email he sent to Craig, so I will try to let go of this particular worry... And then there's Ragan. Will someone just pleeeeease tell me it's okay that I am completely thrilled about the fact that she is my last child??? Most days I love being her mother. She is funny, smart, happy and an absolute joy. But then, there are days that if I see one more eye roll from her or have to listen to the noise she calls music for one more second, I think I might have a complete and utter "come apart". I find myself longing for a private room in the "happy house on the hill". I believe I will be working off my worry and frustrations this afternoon on the treadmill. I have been neglecting my fitness for awhile now, which could very well be my biggest problem. But who can run when there are so many Cadbury mini eggs to eat????? **(on a positive note--I have not worried about Cameron lately. After being out of work, he was able to get a good paying job. YAY!)

13 comments:

LaurieJ said...

I love that this post follows the one that says you wish you had a few more kids ;-) Such is the life of a mother!
I adore your kids! But they are so lucky to have you. I can't imagine how hard it will be to have to step back from hard situations.
I am just going to sit back and take notes and then you can help me when it's my turn :-)

.M@k3nZ!e. said...

oh joan!
I was planning on coming back to Tucson in the first place..before I even left I knew I was coming back, I just didn't know which day. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine.
Ragan on the other hand, i'm sorry! lol jk! ;) she'll grow up sooner or later..she might have to learn the hard way but she will.
And, I have been looking for Cadbury eggs everywhere here & I can't seem to find any..

Amanda said...

I think you've just summed up motherhood! If you're not worrying then you're feeling guilty I reckon. I think guilt is a by-product of pregnancy, I certainly never felt it before.

QuiltedSimple said...

I am so not looking forward to these years, but then again, when a 9 year old starts acting like a 14 year old - I think it's gonna be rough. Cheer up - they are all wonderful young adults who are doing GREAT!
Kris

Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

Oh Jo-anne! IMHOI think it os perfectly natural to have suh feeling where our kids are cocerned. We are always their mom but then they get to a point when they control their own destiny and we can no longer fix things with a hug and a kiss and it is HARD to see them anguished. And the eye rolling and music, I will admit I was so happy when our last one moved out so I didn't need to deal with that anymore. Sounds normal - and typical - but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with daily, does it? It gets better - that's all I can say, they get older and more mature and settle down. Until then, the treadmill sounds like a great idea and while you are on it - blast YOUR favorite kind of music!! lots of hugs, Linda

Thimbleanna said...

Yeah...who knew? I think this stage of just out of high school/trying to figure out life is THE WORST as far as worrying mothers go. Why don't they tell you these things. The no sleep and begging for five minutes alone part of having toddlers was a walk in the park compared to this! Hope it gets better soon.

familywithfivekids said...

Thinking of you, I so 'get' your mom thoughts. :)
Your kids are awesome! I actually wish I knew them more than I do because they are wonderful.

Mercy Ottis/The Stone House said...

OK, I so know what your life is like....I have 6 kids of my own, that #5, which is getting married in AUG. has almost been the total and complete death of ME! Yikes. I love him dearly, but if he would have been #1, I may have never had any more! :-). OH MY WORD! AND, #6, this 12 and 1/2 yr old baby, might just finsih the job that his brother didn't get done! Some days are so smooth sailing, that I like you, thought I could have raised some more, then, there are the days when I wonder WHAT IN THE HECK WAS I THINKING OF???? LOL I love my children, and they are great kids,opps, I mean almost all adults, but Motherhood is work. And anyone who says it's not, is TOTALLY CLUELESS! When you go off to your own private room, book one for me too will you. DOn't want to share a room, cause we are going to each need our own! LOL.♥

Sindy said...

A very wise woman once pointed me in the direction of an article that changed my life. I keep a copy of it on top of my desk. It has helped me immensly. Go back to it :) TRUST IN THE LORD 1995 Richard G. Scott! Love you!

Kris said...

Hi Jo-Anne!
Lol! I loved this post! (I only read it after reading Oh the Shame!) I can't handle the eye rolling either. It really bugs me when they roll their eyes when I've only said two words. I hate being judged for two words! I'm with the mother who said that babies and toddlers were easy, it's the teenagers that are hard. (In fact I would say that adults are the hardest!!!) My kids regularly drive me insane, but most of the time I am happy it is how it is! Hope you are feeling better about it all now.

I hate to rub it in, but our shops are FULL of Cadbury easter eggs. Yummy, they are my favourite!

TrishAnderson said...

I honestly can't say that I know what you are going through. But I can say you are an awesome mom! Harder than it sounds - try not to worry. Leave it in the Lord's hands and he will take care of your kids.

Heather said...

Jo-Anne,
I'm Kayli's mom... so glad I found your blog. Our girls seem to be coming fast friends, which is fun. Kayli is our middle child... so have done 2 teenagers before her and am NOT looking forward to her little brothers becoming the sassy teens... ugh. But, it's my life... and it's fun.

Andrea said...

I could copy and paste this onto my blog and change a few names and it would be my life as well. Thank goodness nightime comes and the sunrise brings a new day. :)