Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Don't make me say it.

There are just some days that I want to fold up my house and shove it into the washing machine.

Especially when Ragan bounces down the stairs this morning and proclaims,
"This house smells like Pets Mart!!"



While on our recent family camping trip, there was a fireside discussion about whether or not we possessed any OCD's.

Upon my introspective evaluation, I concluded that my inability to eat trail mix all together (I have to sort and classify my trial mix) and my occasional tendency to count steps,
I didn't have any OCD's but, quirks, and I didn't have a thing to worry about.
After all, I don't think anything bad is going to happen
if I eat a peanut and a dried banana together....
it's simply my taste buds that protest.
( thank goodness for my canny ability to self-diagnose)

However, today I realized something.

I have an OCD regarding smell.
Bad smells.

I scrub, wash, scour and bleach in an effort to abate said smells.

Because BAD THINGS do happen when I smell a bad smell.
The bad thing is...
I make everyone aware of it.



Oh ya. I will call you out.






I have been known to stand in a doorway of a child's bedroom and demand to have the bad smell found and eradicated.
I will crawl on hands and knees, sniffing in an effort to find the where and the what of a bad smell.

And should anyone, and I mean anyone,
need to pass any sort of gaseous wind from their nether regions,
they had just better do it somewhere far away from me.

After all,  I am extending you the very same courtesy.

And before I forget...you should also know that I very much enjoy the smell of soap.
And I despise the the smell of "swass". (see definition below)



OK. Are we clear?
Let's move on....



We have 2 dogs and 2 cats that, in what sometimes seems to be in a deliberate and cunning way,
try to thwart my efforts of having a pleasant smelling home.

 I try to pretend they don't have an odor.
But they do.

Ragan said so. This morning.
In so many words.

Here's the rub....


I love my animals. I adore them. I would spend my last penny to save and/or heal them.
I would rather spend the day with them than most people.
True story.
BUT THEY STINK.

What's a girl with a bad smell OCD to do??

*sigh*
I guess I will keep doing what I have always done.
Light a candle. Turn on the Scentsy. Pretend like they smell like sunshine.
And, I would appreciate any visitors to also do the same.

Thank you.

But don't anybody crop dust me. Because I will say something.
Seriously.


Swass; noun, a combination of offensive smells regarding sweat and a$$. Can also be used as an adjective; as in; something smells "swassy".



5 comments:

Atkins Family said...

I love the definition.

Lisa

Julie said...

Your posts always make me laugh out out--loved it!! I could tell you stories of how my over-sensitivity to smell earned me many an Aggie ice cream cone while attending Utah State University. I am effected by smell as well.

Last night, for example, my husband cleaned out a rancid dutch oven for a neighbor. I thought I would have to move out of our home. I sprayed every room with Febreeze air freshner and could still smell it this morning.

Lucky for me, hubby took the dog with him this morning to a scout 50-miler--I will clean and the house will smell like lavendar for 2 days--no do stink :)!!!

I understand where you're comin' from, girlfriend. :) Julie

Grammee Linda said...

OH MY!! Can I ever relate!! I am soo sensitive to smells that the scented things to cover up smells are even too smelly for me!

The Wolfes said...

Hahahahaha Swass!!!hahaha i will remember that forever now!!!! and i will use it when ever im with MEN!!! if they are swassy!!! bahahahahah

Gettysburg Homestead said...

LOL !!! That's it all I have to say. I just light a candle and forget about it. My candles are super strong for this very reason.

Mary