Friday, February 26, 2010

It's a fact, that here at the Carter household, I spend a lot of time by myself. Ten years ago, I could have never imagined having so much alone time. But, with  the exception of (the very sweet and adorable) preschool children, the occasional evening when the girls and Craig are here, my only companions are my faithful doggies.
It's a situation that I have become accustomed to, but sometimes, I notice that I have some very interesting converstions with myself.
Yesterday was no different.

Craig is preparing to leave for yet another track meet. This time, he's off to Spokane, Washington. It's my job to get him to the airport by 7AM.

I wake to find Johnny Raincloud hanging over my not so rested head.
And so begins my internal dialog.....
"I don't want him to go."
"I know. It's only for a few days."
"It still sucks."
"Double crap."

I shower and get dressed while Craig is loading his luggage.

Drive to the airport.
UGH. The dreaded good-by.
(**this is a real conversation)

"Okay....see you soon."
"Okay. Love you."
*kiss kiss* lingering hug.
"Love you, too."
"I'll call you when I get there."

I watch him in my rear view mirror while KC and the Sunshine band sings, "Please Don't Go" in my head.

At home, it's more of the same

"hurry, hurry...the preschool kids will be here soon."
"Your shirt sure is wrinkled."
"Do you think anyone will notice?"
"You had better put a bra on."
"I hate wearing a bra."
"Do you think anyone will notice?"
Look in mirror.....
"Yep. They will notice."
Dig out sports bra.....
"good bye nips, hello uni-boob."
Put wrinkled shirt back on and grab a jacket, even though it will be 70* today.

The little ones arrive and thus concludes the voices.
That is until they leave.....

"What time is it?"
" You need to go get Ragan at volleyball practice."
"Son of a ----." (Don't worry, I NEVER swear in my head.)
Grab my purse, sunglasses and cell phone.......
Say good-bye to the furry girls and remind them to behave themselves while I am gone.
Drive to the school.

Wait some more.
"Holy crap. I hate waiting."
Text Ragan......'Where in the FLIP are you?? I've been waiting.'
"Seriously. I don't know why you rush here thinking Ragan will be the one waiting. You know she is ALWAYS the last one out of the building."
"Haha. True story. There is always some boy to look at or hug.....someone she needs to talk to.....volleyballs to count..."
"No kidding. I wish she wasn't so boy crazy."
"Ya. She is probably gonna kill you off by the time she graduates."
"Oh, good! here she comes."

Ragan asks if she can drive home.
I reluctantly give my permission.

"I am going to regret this."
"You always do."
"I just can't say no to anybody."
"You should learn."

Ragan immediatly morphs into an Indy 500 race car driver. She is merging onto the free way at warp speed all the while a van in the right lane doesn't get over.

"Dear Heavenly Father....please keep us safe."

As I am silently praying I hear Ragan yell at said van....
"Aren'tcha gonna get over you stupid van??!!!"

"I am never letting Ragan drive again."
"Right. not until the next time she asks."
"No. seriously. Craig can drive with her."
"I think you peed in your pants a little."
"Yep. I did."

Upon arriving at home, I am informed of Ragans afternoon plans. I ask the required parental questions.....Who will you be with?, Who will be driving?, Do they text while they drive?, Where will you be?, Will there be parents present?,  Do you need money, etc. etc.

"Look her in the eye when she answers."
"That little turd better be telling the truth."
"She is.....she's a good girl."
"I know, but if I find out she isn't.....Ooooo. I will totally knock her into next week."
"You're all talk and you know it."
"But she doesn't know it."
"Who are you kidding?"
"No one. Dangittoheck." (Still no swearing in my head.) ;)

"What should I make for dinner?"
"Who will be here?"
"Probably just you."
"Cereal sounds good."
"Cereal it is."

"What should I do with myself tonight?"
"I have walked by your book about eleventy billion times 'bout reading?"
"Maybe...let's check what's on TV."
"Nothing. As usual."
"You should really cancel cable. It's a joke."

Phone rings in the background.
Ragan needs a ride home.
"Ugh. Hells Bells." (Still no swearing.)
"Well, that answers my question."
"Another night in the car."
"I'm not suprised."
"Well, Ragan will certainly NOT be driving home."

Home again.

"I'm so bored."
"Find something to do."
"I know. I have plenty to do but I just don't feel like doing it."
Johnny Raincloud is back.

"How about jogging a few miles on the treadmill?"
"No way. That would require some effort on my part, and I just used the last bit I had picking up Ragan."
"This is precisely why your behind is the size of Texas."
"Whoa, now. That's a little harsh."
"Well, do you think you are going to lose weight just sitting there?"
"Noooooo. But right now I don't want to lose weight. I mean, I do, but I don't want to work on that right now."
"Oh, right. Procratination. Your best friend."
"Procrastination is NOT my best friend. Denial is."
"Whatever, Fatty, fatty two by four"

Go to the pantry to see what kind of comfort food you can find, grab book, start reading to quiet the voices.

"What time is it?"
"Yeeeessss. it's bedtime."
Text Craig.....'good night loverboy.'
Say goodnight to Ragan.
Say good night to Cameron, Mark and Makenzie even though they can't hear me.

"G'night yourself."
"Just so you know, there really isn't a very good chance that I will feel like getting on the treadmill tomorrow, either."
"Pffft. Like I didn't already know that."
"G'night Procastination and Denial.... I'll talk to you again in the morning."


Jalene said...

haha! i loved this. i kind of want to record my inner dialogue one day too.

the question is, where is makenzie this whole day?

Grammy Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

LOLOLOL!! I have some of those conversations too since I too spend more time alone in the last few years than I ever dreamed I would.

I never swear in my head either...

hugs, Linda

familywithfivekids said...

My mind and your mind need to have a conversation. :)

Burklund Blogger said...

HA! Can't.... stop.... laughing.....
'shut up... you'll wake the baby."
"nah, he'd sleep through a train expo."

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

Lol, Jo-Anne. I never thought about actually writing down the conversations I have in my head. This was great. We are so much alike, except I'm still at the phase where I never have much alone time.
Thanks for sharing. If you ever want anyone to talk to, you need to give me a call, I know we'd be laughing hysterically!

Linda ★ Parker's Paradise said...

you crack me up and I love it! you put a smile on my face and in my heart. Thank you, friend!
★ Linda

The Wolfes said...

Ahahahahahahahaha that was the most entertaining post i have read in a while!! awesome!!! hahahahah

Gettysburg Homestead said...


WOW I'm not the only crazy lady!!! Great post Jo-Anne.